Time for a self analysis

I’m terrified.

But why?

Because my career is taking a turn. I’m leaving a safe, interesting and well-paid job. I love being a journalist.

What are you going to do now?

I’m going to promote an organization that supports all kinds of cooperation between the people who live in the north of Norway and Russia, helping in developing this region. It’s a two-year contract.

Why do you want to do that?

Because I have a soft heart exactly those things: Cooperation, love, peace and the collective happiness of (the world, actually – and of course) northern citizens. Moving up north four years ago is the greatest adventure of my life. I was born in Russia, but I grew up in Norway. Now I live right next to the border between these two but the world seems borderless. Working for an organization that funds cool projects in this region, all focused on international border-crossing friendship, seems like a dream. I feel ready and inspired by this challenge.

Well, congratulations on getting the job.

I’m terrified.

But why?

Because my career is taking a….

I have to interrupt you. We’ve been over this already. Everything will be fine.

Okay, thanks for the therapy session.

Any time.

Documenting daydreams

Somewhere in between sleep and reality last night, I remembered a cow. Nice thoughts followed. I couldn’t convince myself that I would remember them in the morning, although I really tried, and so I wrote them down:

Writing, documenting, publishing. It’s a nice method to process life and an excellent way to remember the important things.

It’s funny how one of the scenes I remember most clearly from Haiti is the skinny cow from this post:

Skjermbilde 2019-06-27 kl. 21.41.03

This cow was shared because I encountered her while being absolutely high on happiness. I get closer to that space just from remembering that overwhelming grateful feeling. I love you cow, I felt. And feel.

The essence of this entry?

When you realize that your spiritual cow guide probably is a bull, don’t miss the point. If you can find one reason to smile right now, don’t overthink it – just do it.

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The original cow post.

The weirdest Vardø

Vardø is basically located at the end of the world. Even the clouds today have the layout to confirm this statement, they rest like a kettle lock above this arctic fisher town and it’s 2000 and some inhabitants.

It’s like the car passes over from a land bathing in the evening sun beneath distant pink clouds into a shadowy world of brown hills and grey grass. There are no trees. Reindeer run across the road from time to time.

Welcome to Vardø town

You don’t see a lot of people. Urban winds have reached this rural place though. Hidden though town you can spot several murals, graffiti and other displays of creativity.

Pøbel (probably the most famous Norwegian street artist ever) invited several leading street artists from around the world to Vardø back in 2012. They arranged the art festival called «Komafest». I guess the goal was to wake Vardø back to life with graffiti. I hope they come back to repeat it someday.

Vardø’s history is rich and full of dark chapters. Vardøhus fortress was built in the 13th century. The place would witness some of Europe’s biggest witch trials 300 years later.

Almost one hundred people were burned for dancing with the devil under a full moon, learning dark arts from black cats and drinking bewitched beer…

Today you can read their stories at Steilneset Witch Monument where a light shines for every victim of the witch hunt.

Another noteworthy thing about Vardø:

It’s a senter for top secret NATO-activity.

See those balls in the skyline?

NfOV00959

They are radars, Globus I and II.

A third one is being built as you read this. A Russian Bitcoin Factory will soon open it’s doors as one of the closest neighbors to this new radar. American army families are moving into town, according to local media. A lot seems to be going on under the surface here. One of the houses facing the only road leading from the tunnel which connects this arctic island to Norwegian mainland, may very well be recording all comings and goings to town. I have a rich imagination and can’t help feeling watched, although I’m not sure if it’s the spies or the witches who are behind it.

What I am sure about is that Vardø is an inspiring place. It makes you want to think and write and paint.

I’ll be back.

From the air

@

Here I am,  practicing with my drone while enjoying a short summer down south.

Short – because the rain came pouring down less than an hour after these shots. Also, I couldn’t wait to reunite with the midnight sun ❤

Coming up next!

Should’ve played more video games

I’ve bought myself a drone.

For years now I have watched footage filmed using drones, musing about how cool it is to be able to get a bird’s view of the world, to see your neighborhood from a totally new angle – What a time to be alive for a photographer, I thought.

And so, I decided to buy a DJI Air, because it’s tiny and therefore very portable. #instantlove. Deciding turned out to be much easier than buying.

Far up north, where I live, it takes a while to get your hands on a drone. I did consider ordering online, but I happen to be one of those people who need to touch expensive technology before making a purchase.

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Weeks went by before I found an electro shop that actually had the Air in store. They couldn’t sell it me though. Their model was only for display… #thenorth

In the end, I found a drone to grope and buy on a journey to the Capitol (read: Oslo, where northerners should never-ever shop, because we need to support our local businesses or risk a ban from the community).

After finally-FINALLY flying my drone for the first time, I realized one thing:

I’m a shitty pilot.

I’ve watched tutorials on YouTube. I’ve learned the joysticks. But my brain refuses to understand how all that connects to flying.

Have a visual on your drone, they say. I get that. But I never get what’s the front and the back of the thing. And how do I keep a visual on the controls at the same time as watching the drone?

I wish I had played more video games as kid, but it was not considered to be a productive activity back then. I’m pretty sure it still isn’t in many circles. My drone problems however, remind me of those frustrating times when I actually got to play video games while visiting friends. I remember feeling like a retard. Let all kids play with technology, I say.

Moving on. What I lack in flying skills, I hide with skillful editing.

!!! DON’T watch this if you are in danger of suffering an epileptic seizure !!!:

Oh, how I hate not being instantly good at stuff. I’ve given up on a lot of things because they didn’t come easy, especially when I was younger. Fortunately, I’ve learned that the pleasure of mastering a challenging skill through hard work brings more satisfaction than being a natural tal is awarding as well.

The clue is figuring out which areas you want to conquer and then work toward that. That’s way better than spending time on useless activities where you happen to excel. I’m very good at building homes for my Sims, for instance, but I’ll prioritize flying my drone instead.

You’ll hopefully see the results. Eventually.

created by dji camera

PS. In case you wonder what I did instead of gaming: Handball. I also often play-pretended to be on a disco with my BFFs on top of a roof next to school, smoking stolen cigarettes and arguing about who’s turn it was to play «the boys».

Feel free to share embarrassing stories from your childhood in the comments below 😉

Summer is coming

Imagine a world where the sun doesn’t rise, while the wind howls and bites as a blizzard strikes, making a joke of your mission to dig out the car so you can get to the office and a hot cup of anything, but preferably a coffee, stronger than dynamite and blacker than the morning night.

The winters up north are long.

I keep wondering what makes me stay here.

Spoiler alert: It’s the summers.

snowstorm

I can almost feel the summer coming. It greets me from the eyes of everyone I meet. I hear it as the seagulls return north to sing atop my roof. I see it in the sunset afterglow outside my window… or could it be a creeping sunrise?

I can almost taste it.

Springs are nonexistent beyond the arctic circle. Summer fever, on the other hand, is a very real thing.

If it wasn’t for the fact that this particular mood gets fueled by a wild sun energy that pumps through your system at every waking hour, it could be mistaken for spring fever.

Skjermbilde 2019-04-25 kl. 23.43.12

Also, summer fever tends to afflict people until august-september.

Which is wonderful.

I’m joyously looking forward to it.

Enter the never-ending summer day.

I’m prepared!

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Cuz you only really need a sleeping mask to be happi ❤

Drown the blog in happiness

2018 was obviously a turbulent year. Not that I was a very active blogger, but those times I actually posted something… it wasn’t very a bright input, in any way.

I’ve been struggling with motivation, love, self esteem and blah, blah, blah.

I don’t really want to focus that much on the bad stuff, or manifest that negativity into written words. The fact that my sad musings are excruciatingly embarrassing for me to read now, is partly the reason for my change of course.

I find myself thinking increasingly about how my thoughts, all-consuming as they often feel, actually matter very little.

It’s like waiting for a phone call from a romantic interest. As your head fills with worry about being undesirable and vague speculations about whether the belated caller experienced an accident, the person in question might very well be sleeping.

Giving into negative thinking leads to unhappiness, while positive thoughts pave the way to self-delusion and disappointment.

So I’m trying to think as little as possible. Stopping my train of thought as soon as I realize I unintentionally boarded it, I instead decide to do something which brings me satisfaction.

Light and carefree, that’s how I would like 2019 to be.

It has everything to do with this blog. Enough of tragic words. I’m still as moody and conflicted as most people, but I really want to focus on something else. The plan is to count my blessings and give every one the appreciation they deserve.

Without thinking too much.

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